


Autonomous Natal Care Unit #429

by Lanfear



Series: MEKinkMeme Prompts [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Ashley Alenko Shepard, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Other headcannon(s) apply?, Post ME3 fic, Very happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1758287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanfear/pseuds/Lanfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, here's another fill I did for an anonymous poster on the MEKinkMeme forums that was just way too sweet to pass up. I mean seriously... It's adorable!</p><p>Sometime after the war, Shepard + LI have left their house temporarily and have left their kid in the care of a babysitter</p><p>A geth</p><p>Bonus points for having the geth in a frilly apron because I've had the mental image in my head for the past fifteen minutes and I'm still harping like a seal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Autonomous Natal Care Unit #429

“John, we’re going to be late,” Kaidan repeated again with an exasperated huff.

“He’s not here yet,” Shepard reasoned with a sigh.

He would have expected at least _some_ measure of reliability when it came to them at least.

Shepard paused for a moment, lifting the rich fabrics of the curtains that covered the front of their home on Earth, quickly scanning the front of his yard for any signs of their now later arrival. He let his gaze wander about as he prepared for another round of complaints from Kaidan, but he knew that the man was just being impatient, especially since they were supposed to be the guests of honor.

It had been close to five years since the end of the Reaper War.

Life had been almost idyllic for him since then, especially considering just how devastating things had almost turned out for the both of them. After the Crucible had activated, Shepard had fallen, both content and despairing over the choice that he had had to make. Control, synthesis and destroy. He had thought that he would not be outliving his decisions, but it seemed that sometimes, fate was a kind mistress that would push him back onto his feet.

The remnants of the fleets that he had gathered, unable to leave the Sol system due to the destruction of the mass relays, had returned to Earth to begin salvaging and saving what and who they could. It had been a monumental undertaking, taken up by a monumental coalition, and it was one of these rag tag rubble pickers that had discovered the collapsed remains of the Citadel. The casualty lists had been overwhelming and most of them had been instructed to search for bodies and salvageable material rather than survivors. In fact, he had been the only survivor that they had picked up at the epicentre of the blast, and that term was a very generous word considering that he was holding on to life through sheer force of will, a life line that was sheerer than wind and attached stubbornly to a name, a name he had promised he would fight to return to. To spend a life with.

It had taken half a year just to get him to eat anything beyond an IV and liquid nutrients and he had felt both flattered and aggravated that such a large quantity of resources had been spent, yet again, in making sure he pulled through into more stable and safer zones. If it hadn’t been for the copious amounts of cybernetics laced through, Shepard would have doubted he’d have even regained consciousness, had he been given a full year. It was also during this time that the Normandy had limped back into the Sol system, hazardously weaving through stars like a wounded drunk returning home. Had it not been for the fact that the Normandy was a self-sustaining, state-of-the-art ship that was capable of FTL under its own power, he would have doubted that they would have been able to make it back within the next five years, let alone relatively unscathed. And it helped that their blind jump through the relays had only resulted in their being stranded in a neighbouring star system.

The reunion had been beyond bliss.

Kaidan had looked like he always did in Shepard’s fevered dreams, though his limp through the doorway of one of Earth’s many makeshift hospitals had sent alarm racing through Shepard. No words had been exchanged, no tears and grief. It was closed to them now, the past and the pain, and Shepard let himself drown in the sensation of just being with Kaidan, breathing in the scent and feel of the man as he wallowed in a very rare feeling for him; contentment. Contentment and victory.

The years since then had flown by, so rich and full that it was both fleeting and permanent.

Despite everything that he had been told, the lies, the geth had survived the blast that had utterly annihilated the Reapers. So had EDI. The only things that had failed to survive were the Reapers and anything that had been based off of the old, unadaptable Reaper code, and creatures like EDI and the geth had had more than enough time to move beyond that point. It was almost too much for him to bear, too much joy, at the fact that these important pieces in his life had shaped themselves, had rewritten based off of his own moral directions, and had created an entirely different operating schema to process off on. A back up, they had called it. If anything, the blast had only purified them, wiping out any chance that the dormant Reaper code within them would corrupt them and turn them into monsters once again. Shepard had been more than satisfied.

“Not here yet?” Kaidan called to him from behind. Shepard’s attention pulled away from the window, unable to fight the magnetizing effect of Kaidan’s voice.

His husband, for they had completed their union as soon as Shepard had been able to walk and talk under his own power, stood resplendent in his dress blues, formal and yet relaxed. Shepard felt his eyes trace through the lines in the fabric, following muscle that he knew by heart. The man was older, more mature, but weren’t they all?

“No,” Shepard groused. Okay, so maybe he was being just a little stubborn. After all Kaidan had been the one who had wanted someone a little more… mundane.

“What are we going to do John?” Kaidan asked with a slight cock of his head. “The SPECTRE assembly is just a few hours away. We’d already be late just as it is. Maybe we should… umm, call…”

For emphasis, Kaidan held up the precocious, energetic bundle in his arms out, bringing Shepard’s attention to their child. The word, merely tripping along his brain, sent a wave of warmth through him at the mere thought. _Their_ child. The family that he couldn’t even dream about, growing up as an orphan on the streets of Earth.

Little Ashley Alenko Shepard, named after a dear friend, struggled in her father’s grip. She had been found, wandering the streets, an orphan after the war. Her story was not unique, even before the arrival of the Reapers and Shepard had been almost beside himself, recognizing in the child a part of himself and he became even more desperate to save this young avatar from a life that he himself had been almost unable to escape. It had been almost a year of fruitlessly trying to search for the girl’s parents, relatives, anyone with even a tentative link to the girl, but they had found nothing. In the end, with Kaidan’s understanding and adamant acceptance, they had adopted a future, christening her with the name of a woman that they both remembered fondly, a sacrifice given so that they could live on.

Unfortunately, it also seemed that that name had bestowed their child with some of Ash’s sass and stubbornness.

“I wanna go too, papa!” Ash yelled out with all the certainty of a nine-year-old. “I’mma going to the Citadel! I’mma gonna be a big SPECTRE! Just like papa!”

“’I’m going to’, sweetheart,” Kaidan corrected almost by rote. “It’s ‘I’m going’ not ‘I’mma’.”

Ash squirmed in Kaidan’s grip, no child able to keep still for such a length of time.

“Who are we going to call Kaidan?” Shepard asked sensibly. “Everyone we know will be attending as well, and the ones that aren’t going are currently not in the Sol system, let alone Earth. Maybe we should just let her tag along and…”

“Out of the question, John,” Kaidan huffed. “For god’s sake, John. She’s _nine_!”

“It’s not like FTL is going to be that rough on her,” Shepard mumbled under his breath, recognizing a verbal argument that he couldn’t win. He could broker peace between the krogans, the turians and the salarians, he could end the centuries long war between the quarians and geth, but for some reason, he found that Kaidan always seemed to be on top on him in that department. Not that he would mind. “Besides, I was in a worse situation at her age.”

“That’s beside the point, John,” Kaidan replied firmly, pinning Shepard with his gaze.

“I don’t think-“ Shepard began but a rough chime coloured the air and Shepard felt his smile pull at his features.

“Finally,” Kaidan muttered, placing little Ashley carefully onto the floor.

Shepard immediately moved toward the door, letting it slide open as he opened his mouth to address…

There was nothing there.

“John?” Kaidan asked.

“Umm…” Shepard hesitated, pausing to look through the still air. What the hell? All he could see was the front garden, the path to their home, the street out front and the faint shimmer in the air around their door frame.

Shepard blinked, doing a double take.

Like a magician’s sleight of hand, the air seemed to split and out of it stepped a dark and sleek looking geth. It’s body plates were smooth and powerful, yet looking wiry and portable. It was black in most places, with a dark red light glint along the edges. Shepard paused for a moment as memory caught up and he almost stumbled back as recognition hit him.

A Hunter.

“Shepard Commander,” the geth intoned. “We are Autonomous Natal Care Unit #429. We have been called to serve.”

“Called to serve?” Shepard babbled, clearly at a loss.

The geth hunter raised its arm, bringing up an omni-tool display that Shepard immediately recognized as the babysitter’s column that he had found on the extranet. “We understand that you wished to pursue our services in order to maintain and keep in optimal condition, your unit progeny? Have we been mistaken Shepard Commander?”

“Ah, no. I just, umm…” Shepard spoke, feeling slightly confused himself. “I mean, when I answered the ad, I thought you’d be… umm, well, just another… geth.”

The geth stood there, staring at him balefully with its glowing red eye. Shepard had stared at such things too much in the past to not feel his finger itch for something to squeeze around but he buried the temptation. A rotation of the geth’s face plates completed itself and Shepard suspiciously thought that the geth was sounding… put off.

“We are geth,” the unit replied. “This is merely a platform for interfacing with organics. We understand your apprehension, Shepard Commander, but we had assumed that the platform… irrelevant.”

“John, we need to get-- Gah!” Kaidan’s voice sounded from behind him and Shepard could feel the familiar tingle of biotics floating through the air.

“Kaidan, wait!” Shepard said hurriedly, trying to forestall his husband. “It’s umm… This is our… babysitter.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan said with an edge and despite himself, Shepard winced at hearing his last name on the man’s lips. “That’s a geth hunter.”

“This one is maximally equipped in order to carry out stated duties, Shepard Commander. Alenko Major,” the geth replied with a slight tilt of its head. The brightness of its optics shone brightly for a moment and Shepard gaped as the geth reached out toward its omni-tool and triggered something.

Shepard could only stare as an orange glow suffused the creature. It travelled across its metallic frame and seemed to flow, solidifying in certain areas and forming what suspiciously looked like…

“Umm,” Kaidan asked with a muffled snort. “Are those… frills?”

“This unit has been extensively modified as per relevant data gathered via the extranet,” the geth hunter intoned. “We understand that a seventy-point-two percent of humans will perceive this uniform and derive understanding in its purpose. This unit will perform its duties with efficiency, Shepard Commander.” Shepard felt his throat hitch as the geth paused for a moment, then extended its arms out and raised the edge of its holographic frilly skirt and curtsied, albeit awkwardly.

“John,” Kaidan began. “I really don’t think…”

“Kaidan,” Shepard said whipping around and trying his best to contain his laughter. “Our babysitter is here. We’re late. We should go.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes at Shepard’s quip and took several fortifying breaths before stepping up to the geth hunter on their doorstep, arranged in a bright orange frilly maid’s outfit.

“Geth unit,” Kaidan said firmly but the geth looked up from its curtsy and interrupted.

“This one will recognize the designation Autonomous Natal Care Unit #429, Alenko Major,” the geth hunter corrected.

Shepard had to clamp his teeth into the soft part of his hand to stop his laugh from erupting.

“Autonomous…” Kaidan started with disbelief, then shook himself. “Look, we don’t really have time for this. And I don’t even want to know… Anyway, I’m sending you the emergency contact list that we prepared. We should be out for at most a day. Since the Citadel hasn’t been shifted from the Sol system, it won’t take us that long to be back.”

“Understood,” the geth accepted.

“We’ll transfer the credits to you when we return,” Kaidan forced out. He paused, eyeing the geth up and down for a moment. “Do you, ah, do you really know how to look after an organic child?”

“Geth have been monitoring the extranet since our creation,” the geth replied, finally rising out of its curtsy. Shepard rubbed at his mouth roughly as he saw the geth’s hands shift slightly, an attempt to straighten the edges of its frilly skirt. “In preparation for our current designation, this unit was uploaded with the most recent information and medical authority concerning human progeny of relevant age. This unit is in complete understanding.”

Kaidan huffed a defeated breath, finally pulling away from the geth and moving over to Ashley, making sure to poke Shepard in the ribs as he walked passed him.

“Sweetheart,” Kaidan addressed their child, once again all smooth velvet and fatherly love. “We’re heading out tonight. Please be a good girl and behave for the nice… geth. And do everything that it… he… tells you to. Understand?”

“But papa,” Ashley said with huge, trembling eyes. “I wanna go with you!”

Kaidan smiled indulgently at his daughter. “I’m sorry my sweet, but perhaps another time. Alright?”

Shepard turned to pick up his daughter, hugging her tightly to himself as Kaidan reversed himself and addressed the geth babysitter with a list of things that they had prepared for Ashley in advance, as well as her habits and timings. Shepard held her close as he whispered in her ear.

“Don’t worry,” Shepard said softly. “We’ll be back soon and if you’re well behaved, we’ll take you with us next time.”

“Okay,” Ashley whispered into his cheek. Shepard planted a smacking kiss onto the young child’s forehead, earning him a giggle that tugged at his heart.

Shepard beamed at his daughter as he and Kaidan moved out of the house, stepping to the side so that the geth hunter could step in. Closing the locks, Kaidan sighed to himself as they walked, side by side, to their car.

“Really, John,” Kaidan asked after a few seconds of silence. “Really?”

Shepard gave the man his most honest grin, placing a comforting hand in Kaidan’s own.

“Hey, what’s the worst that could happen?”

*

The geth hunter stood exactly at the edge of the doorway, its feet meticulously splayed as it kept its weight balanced. Programs and servos, counter weights and the slightest formulaic variations, all running together smoothly to present a semblance of life. Of being natural.

The geth hunter, formally Hunter unit 429 and now with its new designation, stared down uncomprehendingly at the relatively tiny biological creature at its feet. The miniature unit, which Shepard Commander had designated ‘Ashley’, gazed up at its platform with wide eyes. The geth moved its arm slightly, its arm hovering over its omni-tool as it considered briefly removing the holographic lace and frills that surrounded its hard, metal body. Information surged within its main processor as the geth consensus within itself voted unanimously to maintain the appearance in order to facilitate the correct emotional response from the biological entity that it was supposed to care for. It would-

“Hello,” the Ashley unit said slowly.

“Greetings… “ 429 hesitated briefly, unsure how it would properly address the child. “Ashley unit. Does this designation appear acceptable?”

Ashley paused, face scrunching up in apparent confusion as she tried to decipher its words.

“You talk funny,” Ashley announced after a brief pause. “My name is Ashley. What’s yours?”

“This one can be address through designation Autonomous Natal Care Unit number 429,” the geth replied honestly. “We will accept your co-operation, Ashley unit.”

“Papa says I have to do what you say…” Ashley voiced with just a hint of mistrust and a little something… more… that the geth couldn’t identify.

“Shepard Commander and Alenko Major bear authority on the subject of your care Ashley unit,” 429 droned, unsure what the tiny human was trying to imply. The consensus within itself was at a standstill, thoroughly divided over the intention of the small creature’s words. “This one will appreciate a mutual participation in your care.”

Ashley stared, bug eyed, before bursting out into a quick laugh, grasping at the geth’s oversized hands.

“I like you,” Ashley declared squeezing the geth’s finger.

Its platform’s haptic sensors relayed the information of soft warmth and it felt an odd feeling impart itself into its processor. A feeling, the consensus relayed, was called… acceptance.

Ashley graced the geth hunter with a beaming smile, turning suddenly and flouncing away into an unknown part of the house, not bothering to wait for the geth to follow her.

“Ashley unit,” the geth called out. “Desist in movement.”

“I’m hungry,” the child called back.

“This one will be able to prepare Ashley unit with sustenance,” the geth responded almost immediately, glad that it could finally parse out what the child was saying.

A thorough scan of extranet memory banks brought up a rough floor plan of Shepard Commander’s home and the geth opened up the file, permanently marking the different rooms in the house and imprinting it into its processing. Large but silent foot falls brought into what was labelled a kitchen, but that was about all that it could figure out. Geth did not eat, did not have such facilities to aid in the preparation of food. Ashley sat impatiently on a stool that framed an island of sorts in the middle of the kitchen room, legs swinging restlessly as she watched it enter the kitchen.

“Papa always makes great cookies,” Ashley called out to it. “But papa doesn’t always let me have them. He says it spoils dinner.”

The geth couldn’t understand how one type of food would cause another to begin the patterns of organic decay but it assumed that since the child was able to consume said foodstuff enough to know that it tasted good, it reasoned that it would be acceptable.

“Papa hides the cookies somewhere,” Ashley called out to it as it approached one of the vertical cupboards, the young girl not bothering to differentiate the term ‘papa’ onto any specific individual. It reasoned that the word would apply equally to both humans and for some strange reason, it found itself… pleased with this thought, just as geth was a word used to describe all of them. It made sense that Shepard Commander and his mate, Alenko Major, would be considered a single unit after joining in consensus.

“Understood, Ashley unit,” the geth monotonously replied. “Cover this one. We will attempt to search.”

Ashley giggled slightly as geth 429 began to systematically open and search all of the cupboards. After reaching in for the first item, it realized with something akin to dread, that it did not know exactly what a ‘cookie’ was. A quick search on the extranet revealed a whole host of items, none of which matched the object in its hand. To compare and contrast so many different foodstuffs would be… inefficient. It would have to find an alternative.

It’s face plates whirled as its processors drew more energy, attempting to formulate a method. A moment more and it picked out several cartons, carried them over to the nearly empty island, and placed them perfectly in front of the child.

“Do these items represent the foodstuff ‘cookies’, Ashley unit?” the geth queried.

Ashley’s face scrunched up in thought before she turned her attention toward its offerings.

“I don’t know… I don’t think I’ve seen papa make these things for me…” Ashley said with hesitation.

“Understood,” the geth accepted.

It made its way toward another cupboard, hoarding items in its grasp and bringing them over to the child, each time eliciting a shake of a head or a brief negation. The geth felt its plates whirl, an unconscious gesture this time. Still, it was patient. And efficient.

The mountain of food and parcels grew in size, towering over the child’s view as the geth continued to deliver more and more things for it to regard. Each negative response triggered a sensation feedback within its processor that it stored and any subsequent interactions were mapped and added to the growing data streams. The consensus was telling it that it was… frustrating.

“There!” Ashley yelled finally as 429 placed a ceramic looking urn of some sort before the child. “That’s where papa keeps it!”

A pleasant shock tripped through it at the child’s confirmation and the geth watched, recording the sensation as it travelled through its processors. The consensus within itself murmured, streaming data back and forth and the geth retreated a small distance away, staring as the child reach a diminutive hand into the device and pulled out a lightly brown-gold disc, flecked with dark brown spots. It was feeling… pleased… with itself. It recorded the data and sent it through the consensus, receiving in return, a positive feedback loop.

A sudden sound intruded during the quiet minutes of the child’s feeding, ringing through the house. The geth responded immediately, tripping its cloaking mechanism and activating its hunter vision. It was an expected response, the stimulation of sudden auditory input triggering the immediate processes that had been put into it during the war. The Ashley unit seemed not to have noticed that it had disappeared.

The geth turned quickly, even more silent than before, sweeping through its field of view and at last, spotted a red silhouette outlined in the direction of the abode’s main door. Its fingers itched around the non-existent handle and trigger of a shotgun, as Alenko Major had been clear in that nothing was allowed to enter the house so long as it and Ashley were the only ones within. It maintained its cloak, approaching cautiously as it moved toward the door. Its systems were primed, ready to affirm its directive. It opened the door.

“Umm, hello?” a strange voice called out into the apparently empty air. The geth realized that it was still cloaked and immediately took the opportunity to run a face-recognition software, comparing the data to the quickest sources that it could access. Nothing confirmed the individual’s identity.

“Mr. Alenko? Mr. Shepard?” the human male called out into the entrance, not stepping forward. The geth knew that had the human tried to enter, it would have responded with brutal force. “Are you in?”

“What does this unit desire?” 429 asked immediately, dropping its cloak. It seemed most likely that the organic creature before it knew Shepard Commander and Alenko Major in some capacity, and might have been of assistance in providing information about the Ashley unit.

The sound that emerged from the organic caused its audio receivers to temporarily lower themselves to the barest minimum acceptable range. How… strange. It did not understand why organics made such noises, noises that were normally accompanied by a swift removal of their presence from its own. It did not understand, and it wished to; for a moment, it contemplated pursing the human in order to question it but the consensus within itself voted for it to complete its objective and remain to look after the Ashley unit. It had passed, though just barely.

Shutting the door, the unit turned and swept back, intent on returning to the presence of the child. Perhaps it might have done something wrong, but something else was telling it that its response was more than warranted. And should be reaffirmed. A word suddenly intruded, causing it to briefly pause before stepping forward again. It was feeling… protective. How strange.

Entering the kitchen, it immediately noticed something amiss.

“Ashley unit?” the geth called out, voice droning through the empty room.

No response came.

It turned up its audio receivers, trying to pick up the smallest amounts of noise. Its hunter mode stretched its apparent visual perception greatly and it scanned the area, attempting to pick up thermal readings. For efficiency’s sake, it made a spherical cast about the abode, noticing immediately that there was a hunched up red outline in the level above. It moved off, unaware that its speed was just slightly faster than usual, its servos working just slightly harder. It leapt past the stairs, four at a time, stopping suddenly outside a rectangle made of brown wood.

“Ashley unit?” it called out again, louder this time. It picked up a quiet sound, a soft, repetitive sound. It compared the sound wavelengths to numerous recordings of human organics and at last, found a match that had an eighty nine percent match. Ashley unit was… crying?

The geth opened the door slowly, immediately pick out the child’s figure and dropping its hunter mode. It approached slowly and cautiously, unsure about how to proceed in such a situation. It knew what crying was, knew the reasons that an organic creature would proceed with such an event, but it was contextual apparently. It did not know what to do.

“Ashley unit,” the geth addressed. “This one detects the presence of saline secretions from your platform’s optical ports. We do not understand.”

“They scream…” Ashley sobbed out. “The bad things come and they scream. They took… they took mama and papa away… they… I can hear them sometimes…”

The geth sent a flurry of data back toward the geth consensus, waiting impatiently for the information to be discussed and relayed back. Literature, medical records and human psychology and physiology. Something called trauma. It was understandable.

“This one understands,” the hunter said, intentionally lowering its vocal frequency. It crouched down lower, trying to make itself appear smaller than it was. “Data stored within your platform recalls of similar audio-visual inputs. We understand that this causes negative feedback loops to assert themselves in your programming. This one can help.”

“I’m scared,” Ashley sniffled, the sounds trailing off.

The geth paused for a moment, unsure of what it could say or do. Were organic spawn like their more mature counterparts? It couldn’t be sure. It knew what the Ashley unit was saying but… how did one remove such an emotion from ones platform? Would have to run a diagnostic on Ashley unit’s processors in order to remove the harmful code?

Suddenly, without even processing, it raised a three-fingered hand slowly, face plates whirling slowly as it attempted to understand why it had suddenly decided to do this. It left its hand there, raised for the child to take. It stared at its hand more than the small, huddled child before it, puzzlement zinging through its consensus.

“This one can help,” it repeated.

Ashley stared at the hand for a moment before reach out a trembling hand of her own, clasping it against its metal. It felt a sudden desire to record the interaction for the consensus.

With exaggerated care, it lifted the child up, scanning briefly to make sure that there were no wounds on its platform.

“Thank you,” Ashley whispered shyly.

The geth stood stock still, unsure about how to respond.

“No data available,” it spoke out.

Ashley giggled, wiping back some of her tears.

The geth stood for a moment, watching the act, suddenly moving its other free hand and carefully attempting to perform the same act for the child.

“Ow,” Ashley cried out. “That hurt.”

The geth immediately froze, hand snapping back. Had it injured the unit’s platform? It had to know.

“Have we caused damage to be sustained on Ashley unit’s platform?” the geth asked in a deadpan.

The child smile up at it, rubbing gently against her cheek.

“Umm… I…” she began, uncertain. “It doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s just… a little sharp. I thought it should have been… softer?”

The geth paused to regard itself. Of course. The holographic display that it had put over itself of the outfit that had been deemed most likely to convey its intentions to Shepard Commander and his mate. It was, of course, a hologram and the child before it had apparently assumed that it had been in soft cloths of the sort that organics wore.

“This one understands,” it intoned, immediately standing. It cast about quickly, using the detailed rendering from its optical port to identify and target suitable materials.

It understood now, the reasons why organics placed such things over the structural weaknesses of their structures. It was for emergencies such as this.

It tore the curtains from their fastening, moving with surprising speed and strength even as it stretched its processors, searching for the suitable data stored in the information pool that surrounded the galaxy. Its light beamed brighter as positive feedback increased, sending it a surge of extra energy. Working faster than any living creature and with more precision than a quantum laser, it plucked carefully at threads, folded and divided fabrics. It still wasn’t enough. Again it understood why organics kept such large objects in their structures they called furniture. Of course, it all made logical sense now. It made sure to send such relevant data back to the consensus. A thrill of understanding returned through their shared connection.

The Ashley unit hooted and clapped, haranguing it, coaching it and scolding it as it completed its task. The unit felt its arms lighten with each word, felt its arms move just a little faster with each suppressed laugh. It felt… good.

With a final flourish, it lifted the device and placed it carefully over its platform.

“Does Ashley unit desire to return feedback?” the geth asked as it turned to regard the child.

Ashley stared up for a moment, eyes wide and mouth open, before a delightful sound burst out of the child’s mouth. The geth’s plates widened in alarm at first, then suddenly, it realized. It had heard such a sound before of course, but never this unadulterated, never this… pure. It performed a quick recording of the sound, combined it with a voice matrix and output it through its speaker system, hoping that it would reflect what the child was feeling.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha,” the geth felt itself say. Strange, it didn’t feel elation, but the child seemed to be laughing even harder.

“You look silly!” Ashley howled.

“This one does not understand,” the geth replied as it shut off the program that it labelled ‘laugh’ and stored at the fore of its processor. It triggered a program stored in its omni-tool that it had used during the war to take detailed topographic data during battlefields in order for the consensus to assess. It studied the image of itself, copying it and sending it over to the combined process of the geth.

The curtains had been a dark brown, the faintest patterns in white and black present. The carpet had been a riot of different colours while the couch had been a rather pleasing shade of beige. Still, it did not see why it would cause amusement in the young creature and it had obviously been able to create the design as per its hologram. The frills were slightly more tattered than it would have like and each different patch felt different to its haptic sensors, but it was the outfit that it would wear as a Natal Care Unit. As the garment settled comfortably onto its frame, it felt… satisfied.

“We require feedback, Ashley unit,” the geth said as Ashley unit began to taper down.

The child rubbed at her eyes, standing up to trudge over to its platform. Before it could even rise in inquiry, the young human wrapped her arms around its legs, pressing up against the curtain fabrics there and flattening its careful pleats. She pulled back immediately and gave it a very serious look.

“Better,” Ashley said with a mischievous smile.

“Acceptable,” the geth confirmed the input, relaying it to the consensus. Perhaps it would be easier for the geth to mingle with organics if they were all similarly attired. It relayed that information back along as well.

“Why don’t we play some games?” Ashley asked with a fevered glint in her eye.

The geth stood trying to process the word and their meaning, its processes making its lights blink and twinkle, its protective ocular plates shifting and whirring and oscillating around its head.

“This one does not understand,” the geth began slowly. “Does the Ashley unit wish to partake in communal social activities with other members of her species? This platform is unable to facilitate such an encounter… We--"

Ashley laughed again at the geth’s expense.

“What? No silly,” Ashley corrected. “Let’s play… Hide and seek! You hide, and I’ll seek!”

The geth paused for a moment, unfamiliar with the term. It ran a quick extranet search and found multiple links. However, the only one with a reoccurring pattern that involved the presence of human children was a… social gathering that involved…

The geth’s plates whirled quickly and it received its greatest positive feedback loop of all. Hide and seek? What a wonder. It was almost as if it had been created for such a purpose. A strange pattern of data seemed to trace around the consensus in its mind. It couldn’t quite identify the source or codify the combined stream. A tiny, almost unheard voice within the consensus spoke up. It had a decidedly… feminine… tone to it. It was a voice recorded by a very old, respected platform, spoken through what the geth had understood as nearly true AI. Love. Altruism. Joy. Acceptance. It careful placed the labels onto each set of data, letting it surge through its frame and trigger back another round of positive sensations. What a… wonder.

“Affirmative,” was what is said instead and immediately loped off, listening to the small, surprising child behind itself begin counting.

*

“Can’t believe that they wanted us to go ahead with that,” Kaidan groused, trudging tiredly up the path toward their home.

“It’ll work out,” Shepard replied with a shrug.

“I mean, first the Alliance,” Kaidan continued to mutter, “And then they want me to restart the Biotic Acclamation training scheme and merge it with the Grissom Academy plans. Now, training potential SPECTRE candidates?”

Shepard ducked casually as Kaidan’s arms swung to the side in frustration.

“I can take care of the new SPECTRES, Kaidan,” Shepard replied patiently.

“I know you can John, I just…” Kaidan began as the front doorway opened for their tired selves and into…

Shepard stood stock still, barely flinching as Kaidan slammed into him from behind.

“What the hell, John, I…” Kaidan stopped. Did a double take. “What the _hell_?”

Shepard would have probably preferred to have used a profanity that was much more in line with what he was seeing.

Their home was _wrecked_.

“My god,” Kaidan murmured. “Ashley!”

Without another word, his husband bolted past him with his biotics already flaring around him in a bluish corona, rushing through the house and Shepard felt an accompanying surge of panic.

He raced through their entry way, filled with clutter and mess that was more than enough to drive Kaidan insane. The man was insatiable when it came to the cleanliness of their home. Shepard spied the torn couches and ramshackle pieces of debris strewn across their home.

“Ashley?” Shepard called out aloud.

He opened doors, peeked under tables and into cupboards and behind curtains, or what little fabrics were left hanging from the walls. There was food parcels everywhere, strewn from the living room and leading into the kitchen. Shepard raced through, staring at the holocaust that had been his secret pride and joy. The cupboards were nearly bare, all of their contents across the space in between and the fridge door stood open, blasting cold air through the area. Condensation had built up and collected in some parts of the floor and the tap had been left running, several plates floating as the runoff drained from the sink’s sides.

“Ashley!” Shepard called out with more urgency.

“Shepard!” Kaidan’s voiced called out. It was coming from upstairs.

Without another word, Shepard turned and ran, bounding up the stairs and dashing through the hall.

“Kaidan!” Shepard called to his husband, panic putting his voice on edge.

“In here!” Kaidan responded, his voice coming from their bedroom.

Shepard raced toward the man, noting the open doors and the accompanying apocalypse in each room. Their study had had every book remove and placed into neat piles, seemingly ordered clutter. The bathroom light brightly illuminating opened bottles of shampoo and soap, the tub just as full as the kitchen sink had been. A towel hung from the covered toilet seat and another was draped wetly across the sink. Finally he reached their room, bursting through the open door with barely enough time to stop from smashing into Kaidan, who had been hovering at the edge of the portal.

Shepard felt his mouth drop open in shock.

Their room was _pristine_.

And there, in their bed, surrounded by pillows and her toys, lay a very contented looking Ashley Alenko Shepard. That was his first concern of course. His second was why there was a horrible looking outfit floating in mid-air that looked like his couch, study carpet and household curtains mashed together, hovering protectively in the corner.

“What the hell is going on here?” Kaidan spluttered as Ashley looked up at the both of them and cried out with joy, “Papa!”

Shepard took a moment to consider, his mind working faster than Kaidan’s.

“You can come out now,” Shepard said firmly, addressing the floating piece of fashion horror in the corner.

The air shimmered in between the mismatched fabrics, slowing unveiling the air and revealing the geth hunter that they had entrusted their daughter to. The geth looked… strangely pleased with itself. Its back was straight and the ‘head’ that held its optics looked raised. The geth’s facial plates were flared and the light streaming from its viewport beamed brightly at them.

“Shepard Commander. Alenko Major,” the geth addressed them and Shepard could have sworn that he heard a note of… pride… in the geth’s voice. “We acknowledge your return.”

“You…” Kaidan continued to be unintelligible. “You… what… What have you done here geth?”

If the geth felt that it could hear the barely concealed rage in Kaidan’s voice, it gave no sign. Instead it cocked its shoulder in a very life-like shrug.

“This platform has completed the tasks set out for it,” the geth answered. “Prevention of any un-authorized biological entities into structure. Providing nutrient supplementation for Ashley unit. Successful development and employment of enjoyable social activities with Ashley unit. Cleanliness program completed with efficiency. Process of Ashley unit’s cycle of platform maintenance and recharge completed.”

Kaidan was apoplectic in his current state, mouth moving open and close like a fish. Shepard felt the beginnings of a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth.

“Sweetheart,” Shepard opened, addressing both his husband and his daughter. “Why don’t we… calm down a little… Ashley, what happened?”

“Oh papa!” Ashley cried as she jumped out of the little nest that surrounded her. At least Shepard assumed that it was a nest as it looked suspiciously bowl-shaped. “I had the best time with Automatic Navel Unit!”

“Automatic Navel Unit?” Shepard blurted out. Kaidan had finally closed his mouth, collapsing on their bed in a huff.

“He taught me how to say his name!” Ashley beamed proudly. “He taught me papa! Automatic Navel Unit!”

“That he did, little one,” Shepard agreed rubbing furiously to wipe the smirk off of his face. “Now, what happened?”

“When you left,” Ashley began, “I got hungry and umm…. He got me something to eat! Then there was… I was scared papa, I heard the sounds again, and he found me. He made me laugh but I couldn’t touch him because he’s all metally everywhere so he made this dress for him to wear so I could hug him. We played hide and seek and he told me stories papa! So many stories. He wanted to help me shower, but he couldn’t touch the water. It was going zap! So I showered, all by myself! And then I got hungry again and we played hide and seek. We played chase too but he’s really fast and he cheats when he hides. He sorta disappears, but his dress can’t, so I always find him! And then there were more stories and papa, I made him laugh! He laughs funny!”

“Whoa there, Ashley,” Shepard interrupted, trying to calm his daughter down. There was no controlling the smile on his face now, especially after what he just heard. “Did you say you made him… laugh?”

“Show him Navel Unit! Show papa how you laugh!” Ashley crowed.

Shepard and even Kaidan looked up expectantly as the geth seemed to shift under their scrutiny. It shifted, actually shifted its limbs like a guilty individual as it stared at the floor of their room for some reason, the silence painting the air thickly now.

“Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha,” the geth unit suddenly voiced in a dreadfully mechanical monotone.

Shepard couldn’t stand it anymore.

He burst out laughing as well and the sound was infectious. Ashley was giggling wildly and Kaidan was trying, and failing, to stifle the short guffaws that came from him. The effect was cumulatively massive and the harder they laughed, the more hysterically funny the geth’s laughter seemed.

“We need to get this straightened out,” Shepard said at last when he could breathe, wiping the tears from his eyes. “The house is a mess.”

All at once, the geth’s laughter cut short.

“Shepard Commander?” the geth asked almost uncertainly. “This one is… unsure. Have we… Have I done something wrong? Tasks were performed accordingly.”

Shepard couldn’t be sure but for a moment there, he was almost certain that the geth sounded… nervous. And that conscious, or sub-conscious, shift in addressing itself made his heart tug and his mind spark in memory. Damn.

“Well, for starters,” Kaidan replied with his usual calm, “You practically destroyed half the furniture and furnishings.”

“Not that it’s that big of a problem,” Shepard quickly amended. Sure it was going to cut into their funds but they were more than well off considering that they’ve had a stable income and prudent savings and investments courtesy of friends in high positions for the last decade or so. Still, at most it was an annoyance. “It’s just that… well, we might need some… help, putting everything back the way it was?”

“Is that wise, John?” Kaidan asked him, alarm rising in his voice.

“Oh come on, Kaidan,” Shepard insisted. “They’re geth. They’re like… little… okay, wait. Big. Big, metal kids just trying to fit in.”

“And you let one, a hunter no less, look after our nine-year-old daughter?” Kaidan muttered darkly.

“Couldn’t think of anyone else better actually,” Shepard replied breezily, trying to steer the conversation away from the fact that it was his idea in the first place.

“Has this one performed unsatisfactorily?” the geth repeated, voice dropping an octave lower. “We… are unable to extrapolate data in order to create a response. Will Shepard Commander require further aid?”

Damn but the geth sounded so devastated. So forlorn. He guessed there was only one option left to him.

Shepard sighed.

“Well, for starters, you might want to take off that dress and start straightening up the place with us,” Shepard replied neutrally though he let a small smile crack through his otherwise serious demeanour. “Ashley, you’ll have to help too. We’ll all help. Then we’ll discuss the proper way you _should_ be babysitting a child.”

“You will explain?” the geth asked, turning its gaze up and looking at him through its optics. It looked… hopeful.

“Yes, I will,” Shepard nodded in affirmation.

The geth hunter stood there, absently stroking the frayed fabric along its limbs. The light in its head brightened then dimmed and then brightened again even more and Shepard waited patiently as the plates clicked and realigned themselves, a wave of motion shifting around the mechanism’s head.

“Understood, Shepard Commander,” the geth said at last and this time, this time Shepard was absolutely sure that the geth sounded… more alive.

*

“John, we’re going to be late,” Kaidan said from beside him.

“He’ll be here soon, I’m sure of it,” Shepard replied, gracing his husband with a smile.

“Alright, John, alright,” Kaidan finally conceded. “But you’ll be the one to explain to Jack why we weren’t there for her bachelorette party’s opening number.”

“You’d have thought an asari strip club with krogan performers were something anybody would have seen at any time,” Shepard said perhaps a little sarcastically.

“Not to her,” Kaidan shot back. Shepard leaned into the man as a small smile played on his face and planted a chaste kiss on his husband’s lips.

The buzzing echo of sound rushed through their house, interrupting the need to progress further than that.

“Papa!” a voice echoed through the house, chasing the sound of their doorbell away. “Papa! I’ll get it papa, I’ll get it!”

“Hold up there, Ashley,” Kaidan called as they heard their daughter tumble delicately down the stairs.

“Is it him, papa?” Ashley asked with wonder and joy. “Is he here?”

“I can’t believe you convinced me to hire another geth babysitter,” Kaidan muttered as they both rose up from their places.

“I didn’t think it was that difficult,” Shepard replied with a saucy grin, earning him an elbow in his side for his troubles.

“Ah, John,” Kaidan said with mock seriousness. “I believe you’ve just called me… easy?”

“Perish the thought, sweetheart,” Shepard replied with as much innocence as he could squeeze out.

Kaidan didn’t deign to reply, merely snorting at the obviously fake expression plastered onto Shepard’s face. Shepard chortled to himself, hanging onto Ashley so that she wouldn’t rush ahead of them and smash herself into the doorway in eagerness.

“Whoa there, kiddo,” Shepard called down to her with affection. “Slow down.”

“He’s here papa,” Ashley voiced boisterously. “It’s him isn’t it?”

Shepard smiled down at his daughter. Kaidan stifled a snorted laugh. With a motion, they opened the door pausing for a moment as the light streamed past the shape outside.

“Greetings, Shepard Commander. Alenko Major,” a familiar mechanical hum sounded. “We are Autonomous Natal Care Unit Number 429. We have been called to serve.”

“Sweet jesus,” Kaidan swore.

Shepard could only blink rapidly as his neck craned upwards, his eyes tracing the lines of hard metal and blinking lights, brights and darks. It was a geth alright.

A Prime.

“Ummm…” Kaidan sputtered and Shepard could have sworn that he heard an edge of hysteria in his husband’s voice.

“Is that really you, 429?” Shepard called out to the hulking geth.

“We are 429,” the geth confirmed. “We have commandeered this platform in order to more adequately and efficiently proceed with the parameter of our task.”

“A prime?” Shepard asked wonderingly.

The geth stared down at them and Shepard wondered if he was going to start babbling like an idiot.

“Our previous platform was deemed insufficient,” the geth said at last. “We have enlisted the aid of similar devices which wish to… learn.”

“What?” was all Shepard got out as a small group broke out from behind the geth prime, huddling and blocking the doorway.

“Shepard Commander, Alenko Major,” all of them said in unison. “We are the Autonomous Natal Care Legion. We wish to accept the task of maintaining the one you refer to as the Ashley unit.”

“Oh my god, please no,” Kaidan swore out loud. Shepard elbowed him as he stepped aside, indicating that the small army of geth were welcome into his home.

“Now remember what we told you before,” Shepard called to the prime as he hooked his arm around Kaidan’s dragging the man and himself outside of the doorway.

“We have preserved the memory within the consensus,” the prime replied.

“John,” Kaidan said roughly. “You can’t expect me to allow even one of those-“

“We’ll see you all in a bit!” Shepard forced out a little too happily. “Have fun and make sure you don’t destroy anything else! Ashley, listen to the nice geth alright?”

“This is _awesome_!” Ashley shouted at the top of her lungs.

The door clicked shut as the geth cast their gaze about their new surroundings.

“Shepard,” Kaidan hissed. “Are you _insane_?! Don’t you remember what just one of them did? I mean, who knows what that many will do. The house, no the whole damn neighbourhood, is going to be nothing but a pile of rubble! I-“

Shepard interrupted his love, pressing a firm, deep and loving kiss into the man’s protests. Kaidan fought for a bit, clearly wanting to finish expressing his thoughts but Shepard was nothing if not adamant and soon his partner was nothing more than a sexy puddle of mush in his arms.

“Don’t worry about it, Kaidan,” Shepard breathed gently. He smiled slightly as a thought occurred to him and as he shifted Kaidan to stand on wobbly legs he cast his husband a very mysterious and very cheeky grin.

“Really, Kaidan,” Shepard said with a voice as soft as silk. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

**Author's Note:**

> DAWWWWWW! Geth babysitters everywhere for everyone!
> 
> Okay, now to get back to the larger combined work that I am planning with one of my amazing readers. I swear, I will get right on it... That is unless I get side tracked by another prompt in the meme... but anyway!~~
> 
> Also, just a quick aside, I'd like to dedicate this work to a dear reader of mine, and also an author here in the archives, who I couldn't stop picturing in Shepard's place (though she is female and I write a male Shepard but meh.)
> 
> Her IRL story is just so... right for a situation like this, I could so totally see her doing it.
> 
> Melanjolly, this fill is for you. :)


End file.
